Feeling Brokenhearted? Try Exercising

 

Feeling broken-hearted after a breakup or at worst after being friend zoned is such a tremendous emotional pain to some individuals. It will leave you feeling lifeless and unwanted, as doubt starts to take over leaving questions if you deserve to be hurt after all. Your insecurities will also start to come out one by one, and this could sometimes lead to isolation, dragging your whole body to stay in bed and do nothing because you think that no matter what you do, you are still broken hearted.

“When your brain conceptualizes that your partner is no longer with you, grief sets in,” said therapist Travis McNulty, LMHC. “Your mind no longer releases the feel-good chemicals (oxytocin and dopamine) that it once released every time you saw this person.”

 

Version 2.0 of Yourself 

I also had my fair share of the excruciating pain of a breakup, wherein I got depressed to the point of telling myself that I am not that good looking enough to be loved by someone or maybe weighing 60 kilos is not lovable at all. Total self-destructive thoughts made me feel so low, and at the same time frustrated. Despite the pain, I have no one to vent out my feelings with. During that time, all I know was I needed to have an outlet for the pain I was dealing with because anytime soon I could reach my breaking point.   

“Stressful life events, like a break-up, produce a variety of depressive-like symptoms that can be difficult to manage,” said Theresa DiDonato, Ph.D. “While exercise may do little to curb your feelings of stress, the physical activity may buffer your depressive symptoms—an important step towards recovery.”

Then I started doing some exercise routine as my catharsis. I started doing morning runs from a lame 1-kilometer to an overwhelming 10-kilometers run at least three times a week. Surprisingly, day by day I felt better as I started to see my old self slowly coming back to life. I began to lose weight and felt lighter. I was happy with the result of my morning runs.

Licensed counselor and professor Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., wrote, “The best way to stop dwelling on heartache is to throw yourself into activities that keep you busy and engaged in the world. Research shows that one of the best self-help treatments for depression is physical exercise. Exercise produces endorphins and serotonin, which both promote a positive outlook.”

While engrossed in my running, I realized that I shouldn’t be doing such a thing because I was trying to let go of the pain. Instead, I should be doing that for myself. It was a blessing in disguise that this break up occurred because I have come to realize that I should love myself even more. That time, all I know was that I need to lose weight to improve my appearance and retaliation for getting hurt. However, I was wrong. I realized that I should be doing this for myself, and not for anyone else. I thought I was healing my heart, but I was recovering and giving myself what it truly deserves, which is self-love and respect.  

It’s Only The Beginning 

Running has helped me feel better about myself, as soon as started losing weight; I tried learning Muay Thai and started to play badminton again. That made me feel happy because aside from losing 10kilos, my happiness got back in full swing. Also, I was no longer thinking of getting back to the person who broke my heart because I realized that I gained more than losing him.  

Making me whole again is more than enough. I am thankful that I did not give up on myself and gave myself a second chance. I am grateful that I turned into exercise than letting myself suffer in pain, which I do not deserve at all; because the value of my life is worth more than any pain that I might experience. Now, I am already backed in shape – physically and emotionally. I can finally say that I am a better version of myself because I chose to love myself instead of mending my broken heart. 

The Road To Fitness: Dancing Together As One Family

In a world where almost everything becomes instant because of technological advancement, we become too dependent on gadgets that usually lead to developing relationship gap within the family.  

 

One great example of this is the early exposure of children on gadget use, which affect the quality time that the family should have for each other. Children become more exposed to the trending fads instead of the family customs and traditions, which affect the family relationship. This is evidently seen in the absence of quality time that the family should have, with children and even parents holding on to their smartphones and tablets all day. This is a challenge for the adults in the family that should be given attention to strengthen the family ties and stabilize relationships. 

Doing Things Together As One Family 

I was not spared from the effects of social media in our family, having an extended family set up makes it more difficult to maintain the bond that we had before the emergence of social media. Watching my nephews and nieces become dependent on their gadgets somehow concerns me a lot. They become more focused on playing with their devices than spending time with us. To address this issue, my siblings together with our parents discussed the matter at hand and resolved how to reduce the use of gadgets by their children slowly.  

As a result, we decided to let the kids experience life out of the context of their gadgets, and spend time with us for them to realize that nothing beats the fun and enjoyment they can have without using their digital toys. Since they are all hooked into watching music and dance videos, we decided to have our family exercise in the form of dancing to increase their enthusiasm to join the activity. Fortunately, we were able to make them participate in our simple family activity, which does not only lessen their use of gadgets but also provide quality time for the whole family. It was a joy to witness how dancing brought us all together; doing something that we all love to do is a great feeling, which I know is strengthening the foundation of our family, and at the same time making the kids feel that spending time with the family is more fun. 

Dancing Is A Form Of Exercise Too! 

Apart from the goal of spending time with family, our dancing activity became our form of exercise too, and doing this was useful because we were all able to keep a healthy and robust physique. We may not be able to visit the gym for a workout, but dancing with the whole family at least 1 to 2 hours a day is more than an exercise for us. Hitting three birds in a single shot is like teaching the kids to lessen their gadget time, doing what we love to do, and exercising to maintain a healthy body. Every dance exercise that we do together was enjoying; losing weight together and gaining strength as one family. 

Workout Together to Work Things Out

Often, jealousy becomes a woman’s middle name. This may sound funny or a bit absurd, but this is the typical scenarios that we encounter every day. Jealousy, if appropriately managed can bring positive effect in a relationship. It spices up the relationship making couples realize how much they mean to each other. It is even sometimes used as a way of showing how much love you have for your partner. 

“Jealousy can highlight what you value–your relationship,” said psychologist and author Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD.

 

When Jealousy Gone Wrong 

When paranoia and insecurities get in the way of jealousy, it creates a dangerous relationship problem.

Robert L. Leahy, PhD, wrote, “Similar to other forms of worry, jealousy leads us to focus only on the negative. We interpret our partner’s behavior as reflecting a loss of interest in us or a growing interest in someone else.”

Case in point was the experience of my friend and her husband.  

Coming into their youth, they are both good looking. Our friends even call them as “fitness and relationship goals inspiration.” But their relationship went rock bottom when my friend gave birth, wherein her physical attributes of being slim and toned started to fade away. Pregnancy contributed many changes to her physical appearance that made her feel embarrassed about herself.

“Jealousy breeds doubt, and when doubt enters a relationship, insecurity often follows,” wrote Suzanne Degges-White, PhD.

She began to feel insecure and paranoid about her husband, thinking that he might no longer find her appealing because of her weight. The situation did not sit well with her. Instead of talking things out to her husband, she became suspicious of her husband that he might be seeing another woman, which eventually lead to endless arguments.

A Happy Wife is a Happy Life 

Despite the bizarre attitude of her wife, the husband tried to understand what’s going on with his wife. He knew that she might be having a difficult time adjusting to her post-pregnancy body that is why she feels bad about herself.  

Good thing, her husband was matured enough to tolerate her attitude and to make sure about his wife jealous acts he intentionally allowed his wife to view all his social media accounts. He noticed and felt that his wife feels she is no longer likable.  

The husband felt terrible about it, so he decided to bring back the cheerful aura of his wife. He confronted his wife that he sees nothing wrong with her figure. An official and personal confirmation of love with no boundaries are all that matters.  

But to make sure that she will never feel insecure about her body, he told his wife that they would do work out together. At first, the wife took it negatively. For her, it just confirmed her belief that she indeed was fat and not pleasant to the eyes of her husband. Fortunately, he was able to appease the adverse reaction of his wife and later on agreed to exercise together.  

Since then, the wife started to regain her confidence and became more thoughtful towards her husband. She also began to enjoy motherhood and became more caring for their daughter. The husband felt happy about his decision to help her wife redeem her confidence through exercising, and this time with a gym-buddy-husband.  

After about two months, his wife started to lose weight significantly. Recognizing the significant changes, she thanked her husband for not giving up on her immaturity – instead, he has helped her overcome her emotional and physical insecurities. She enjoyed working out with her husband and never thought that this would be a significant activity for couples and a relationship goal as well. They both realized that doing exercise together is like overcoming the trials in their relationship as one.